These days, I know I’m on an up-swing after a chemo treatment when I start to want a tuna salad sandwich. Soon after the tuna salad on toast, I’ll want fish & chips or some other seafood. Actual seafood is the clear sign that eating normal can begin again (until the next treatment cycle). I was thinking about this today, well, because I think about food all the time. All. The. Time.  And, well, while getting some fluids at the outpatient center, we were talking food with the nurse.
I was relating to her my distaste for red foods — unnaturally red foods. I don’t have a problem with tomatoes or strawberries, but red fruit drinks and red candy are a no go. These days, it’s mostly an issue from my first chemo treatment. I was given an option to take one of the follow-up drugs orally. It smelled, and tasted like, burned flesh. Well, it smelled like it. I don’t know what flesh tastes like, much less burned flesh. Suffice it to say, it remains the worst thing I’ve ever consumed. Ever. Ever-ever. I was told to mix it with something to cut the taste. I wanted to go with something that I didn’t like much and wouldn’t miss if it was really bad. That was a good step. Because, now, I never want to drink red Gatorade ever again. Ever. Ever-ever.
To be fair to chemo and the related drugs for a treatment, my issues with red things started as a kid. I was embarrassed by red stains on my mouth one fateful afternoon after a red Slurpee. I mean, sure, my sister could have told me about it before we ran into other people. But, well, no… no she couldn’t.  I think there’s some sort of law against that at that age when it comes to little sisters & big sisters. I pretty much avoided red things after that. (Seriously, is there therapy for this?) I wavered in college once at a frat party where excessive amounts of red Kool-aid were mixed with excessive amounts of vodka. The end result wasn’t pretty. And, it served to strengthen my resolve to avoid unnaturally red foods for all time after that.
Red Gatorade was doomed from the start, but that night of the first chemo, it’s fate was sealed. Still, for all those foods I found myself avoiding at various times until chemo side effects wore off (chocolate, peanut butter, mints), there were just as many that kept me nourished when I’d have preferred to do without. And by “nourished,” in this case, I refer to calorie counts versus nutritional value.
There were the many cups o’ noodles that provided salt (because everything was bland) and fluid (because, dehydration). There was the mac and cheese – preferably Kraft from the box. Because, apparently, I have no problem with unnaturally orange foods.  And, of course, there was the lemonade.
For a long time, water was horrible. Right after a treatment, it would taste… icky. Yes, icky is a technical term here. Some people would describe it as metallic, but I would think of it as thick. Water shouldn’t be thick. It should be crisp, clean, light, and refreshing. Post-chemo water was thick… and icky. After a treatment, I would drink just lemonade. Gradually I’d water it down. Over about 7-10 days, I’d finally be back to plain water again. Maybe with a twist of lemon, but eventually I’d get back to water.
Fruits were a mainstay throughout — at least as a category of food. There was the wonderful fresh blueberry phase — to be fair, this is a phase I go through every year during blueberry season. There was a month where I swear I ate nothing but watermelon. Huge bowls of cold chunks of watermelon. Grapefruits held me over between other fruit seasons. You can always find a grapefruit at the store. Currently, I’m on an apples & grapes kick.
Through it all, Chinese food has been the reigning champion of chemo meals. There is apparently nothing on this earth that will deter me from eating General Tso’s chicken. In fact, facing the possibility of losing my ability to taste or enjoy foods I loved, I had a “last meal” right before chemo. I wanted General’s chicken and some pan fried dumplings just in case. I imagine it’s unhealthy to consider losing a food like losing a friend (Weight Watchers has likely made a fortune off me over the years for this reason), but I was worried I’d miss my friend, the General.
A few months ago, one of the chemo drugs I was receiving was stopped. I had reached my lifetime limit of it, so it was replaced with something else. I don’t miss it — it was red, and made me nauseated to even think of it. The good news is that, since it was replaced, a lot of the food issues went away. Not all of them, but a lot. Water doesn’t taste thick anymore. That is, perhaps, the best change.
Now that we’re almost done, there are probably a few things I’ll avoid. Ramen is top on the list, but I appreciate that it kept me hydrated and free of nausea a lot of days. Still, I happily lived without it after college and until last year, so I don’t think I’ll miss its salty ways.
I’ve truly been living the good life in terms of food. I mean, if I even suggest that I want something, it’s mine to have. This happens when you’re given instructions to just eat. Where calories are good; just calories. I’m already wondering how to retrain myself to the ways of balanced meals and vegetables as the star of the dinner plate. Vegetables, blech. Aside from salads, they’ve not been my friends this past year. Fruits, sure. I’m all about the fruit. But, it appears, woman cannot live on grapes and apples — try as I might.