In the early morning hours of Friday, around 1:30am, my heart was racing and I was having difficulty taking a full breath. It had happened once before, but went away after a while. As I’d been feeling lower on energy here & there for the past month and also trying to chase down a reason for nagging headaches during that same month, I sort of wondered: panic attack?

Well, my heart was still racing in the morning and neither P!nk or Jason Momoa were standing there making it so, we decided it was unusual and Kathy took me to an urgent care. My blood pressure was crazy-ass high. I was, though, a little better when I was with the Doc. They gave me a beta-blocker for High BP. I went home. (There was really a lot more to it, but just condensing it here).  My heart continued to race and seemed to get worse a few hours later. Much of this was me, actually panicking. Also, still no P!nk; it’s like she just never visits! In laying down, I noticed I had a small wheezing. We decide to just go to the ER.

Want to get into the ER fast? Tell them your heart is racing and you are short of breath. Ha!! Three hours and many tests later, I was in a room and told I’d spend the weekend.

Diagnosis: Congestive Heart Failure. Friday night, my heart was pumping out only about 35%. Before freaking out (cause I did) that’s actually only half of what it should be, not a third. They say 65% is the goal. I think overachievers are at 70% or something like that. There are enough nurses in my life; someone will correct the details. Given my own medical history and no previous high BP issues, the likely culprit is one of my chemo meds. Doxirubicin has a reputation; they don’t call it the “Red Devil” for nothing. As I said to my Mom, ‘first it saves your life, then it kicks you in the ass.’ I did NOT have a heart attack. The doctors have repeated this many times, so I think it’s important to point out here.

It was a lovely stay at the hospital (as those things go). I am grateful to all the staff that took care of me and made me feel happy and comfortable during my stay. Still, I was elated when they discharged me Sunday afternoon. I now write all this from the comfort of the recliner in our home office, with my feet elevated and only stopped to check my heart rate on the Fitbit about every 5 minutes — I’ll lighten up soon.

Prognosis: All Docs so far agree that I can return to normal functioning heart capacity with the aid of medications. My heart will never be normal though;  congestive heart failure is just a thing that is part of me now.

What now?  Well, I went from happily walking up multiple flights of stairs with no problem at a basketball game on Wednesday to sitting down after wrapping a few Christmas presents tired me out last night. So, I’m starting over. Again. Slowly working my energy back. Starting with slow walks and progressing to, I don’t know, regular walks? We’ll see how it goes.

My diet is now low sodium. Luckily it was healthy, for the most part, before; but now I’ll obsess over sodium content. I have to limit water — this is the hardest part for me. Limit. Water! It’s so unlike every other bit of health advice I’d ever received. So, I should aim for 2-3 liters of fluids a day, but right now shooting for 2. We don’t want any water to gather in my body too soon. Well, I don’t.  Included in the fluid count is all drinks, soup, ice cream and frozen yogurt (wha???), and some other things. Ice cream is the funniest, though. Not really on the everyday nutrition list anyway, right?

So, all of this makes me a bit angry. I mean, who has a heart episode AFTER losing 50 pounds and making all the healthy changes? Oh, yeah.. me. But as much as it ticks me off, I’m so, so happy to be at home for Christmas. I tend to get a little sappy for the holidays anyway, but this one is a doozy. I am so grateful for my wife and my family and happy to be taking full breaths. I might be sitting still more than I want to, but I’m just going to bask in the joy that surrounds us.