I don’t go to the bathroom without a plan.
I was informed of my prowess through office gossip. A coworker had been sharing how I was so wholly determined to get ahead that my every move was part of an elaborate plan. Most specific in my plan, I learned, was taking over their job.
My ego is such that my initial reaction was to proclaim that if I wanted that job, I could have had it. Unfortunately, until I was accused, it hadn’t crossed my mind to want it. I have since given it some thought; and, no thank you. My ego feels compelled to point out that getting that job would not have been a step up, and so would not have served my perceived shameless need for power or whatever it is that I was after. Much to my dismay, my ego is not actually the point. The statement speaks to something more disturbing than a bruised ego. It suggests that a desire to achieve, to get ahead, is a bad thing.
Was I ambitious? Yes. I still am. At the time I was very focused on a goal I had set. The rumor wasn’t wrong about that. I had been spending long nights, weekends, and even vacations working to further my credentials in an effort to move on — out, not up — for some time. I make no secret of wanting to do well in my work, to take on new challenges, to learn new skills. In short, to succeed.
Was I planning every daily move as part of a larger scheme? Not really. But, to know me is to know that I am a planner. But I’m a planner in that if you say ‘I want to be the President,’ I will begin by being grateful something else is willing to do it while making a list of details that need to be addressed so I can help you do it. Do I have plans for my own lofty goals? Well, I almost always have a set of stated goals and they may be lofty for me. In fact, I probably have three of them. One personal, one related to my work life, and one related to writing. I’ve been using an organizer for the past couple of years that encourages breaking goals down. As I write this, I have goals to set a new personal record time for a 10K (the personal), to submit a manuscript for publication I’m writing on a research case study (work), and to compile a series of essay drafts into something resembling a memoir. All of these are meaningful to me and give me direction when I find myself floating or feeling without a purpose.
None of this explains why a statement about my desire to succeed was put forth as an accusation. I take issue with the suggestion that my ambition or achievement is a personal flaw. If I were a professional athlete and wanted to advance to the team’s starting lineup, would it not be expected that I would put in extra practice time, give all my energy to performance, and want my coaches to recognize my improved skills? Would my achievements be derided as climbing or too pushy? I doubt it.
In an article for Harvard Business Review, Anna Fels writes, “Without mastery, a picture of the future isn’t an ambition; it’s simply wishful thinking.” Therefore, with an ambition to change my career path, it makes sense I would seek mastery of new skills to do so. I went to school, I learned new things, and I developed beyond the scope of my job. Growth was, in fact, the point. It is what leaders want from our teams. Team members and peers growing in and out of their old roles helps an organization thrive. There is no shame in ambition, but, as it turns out, a lot of people disagree with me.
In 2017, Pew Research asked in an open-ended question about the traits society values in men and women. Ambition/Leadership was the third-highest rated trait for men with 19% naming those traits. For women, ambition/leadership was 5th on the list at just 9% of participants naming it. Number 1 for women? Physical attractiveness. What’s more, 28% wrote in, unprompted, that women should not have ambition, leadership, or assertiveness traits. Ambition is bad? Correction, ambition in women is bad? What is wrong with people?
Kathryn Sollmann, who speaks about women in the workplace, shares that a participants at one of her speaking events defined an ambitious women as “A woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. Once that goal is met, she has another one.” I’m on board with this approach. I will keep working toward my goals and, as I achieve them or reevaluate them, I’ll set new ones as I always have.
If you have dreams, I recommend you go for it. If your goal is to be a CEO, do it. Do the work, learn what you can, make it happen. Heck, consider making a plan while you’re at it. Is your goal to find a new job? Apply for it, and don’t wait until you can check off every single ‘preferred qualification’ listed. Is your goal to remember what you were going to do after you went into the bathroom? Maybe write a to-do list on a sticky note and carry it with you. Just don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having a goal or a plan to achieve.