Three weeks earlier we had a plan. Oh, how I love a plan. The oncologist delivered the devastating news about Pancreatic Cancer and explained that while we can’t cure it, we could treat it. We had 4 options ranging from no treatment to what I call the small, medium and large treatments. Kathy went large. We had a short trip and would return after Spring Break to begin the regimen.

As noted in the previous post, the Spring Break camping trip was cut short as Kathy found herself admitted to the hospital. She had another blood clot even after being on blood thinners for the previous 3 weeks, and the “several” tumors in her liver had progressed “significantly.” The cancer is being aggressive; more aggressive than the oncology team had expected. Cancer, that bitch, ruined yet another plan of ours.

Some of the chemotherapy options are no longer available due to the damage already inflicted upon her liver. After carefully balancing the pros and cons of all the options available, it has been decided at this time to decline chemotherapy. Based on the information we have at this time, the options provided do not provide the return on the investment (the energy expenditure, painful side effects, and reduced quality of life). Kathy (with me and the family by her side) is facing this enemy with love, choosing to be present in the moments we have.

I am happy to report that Kathy is home now. I am seeing her as I type this. I will not share a photo, but suffice to say is COZY on the sofa having fallen asleep while watching Gonzaga comfortably beat McNeese State in their first-round March Madness game. Go ‘Zags!

Kathy and I are blessed to be surrounded by amazing friends and family, near and far. Our “village” is mighty and I have no doubt it is our village that will carry us through this. Our village has just grown as we welcomed in the support of Hospice. While Hospice is the primary care provider now, the Oncologist is not 100% out. We are open to options if he has something up his sleeve. Should a miracle arise, there exists an option to switch course. At this time, however, we fully believe in the care Hospice provides.

So, what’s next?

This is the question I keep asking every healthcare provider we seem to talk to. Here’s what’s next for us:

1. Over the next couple of days we are taking the time to settle into this new routine with Hospice and caring for needs at home.

2. Kathy is spending time with friends and family as energy and time allows.

3. We are prepare a list. Hello, have we met?  I have a list! Or, I’ll have it done soon. We have had so many offers of help that it’s hard to know where to start. We are opening ourselves to the reality of being helped versus being the helpers. This requires practice, but I am starting by getting organized.

4. We are praying. We ask for prayers for peace, strength, and courage. I ask for prayers for a pain-free experience for the love of my life.