I’m sure I’ve written about fatigue before, but it’s such a bizarre thing when it happens, I like to revisit it. There’s tired and there’s fatigue.
Tired causes sleep.
Fatigue causes sitting still.
Tired says, “*yawn* I could use a nap,” and lays down to take one feeling refreshed (or at least a little better) afterward.
Fatigue says, “I want to go sit in that chair instead of this one.” The body, in response, screams, “Nooooooo!!!!!! You crazy fool! Do you know what it will take to walk the 4 steps from here to there? No. Just no!”
During fatigue you are awake. The brain generally functions and thinks important thoughts. It doesn’t always remember those important thoughts for very long (but I blame that on the quantity of thoughts versus the fatigue or chemo), but it thinks them. It thinks things like:

• Wouldn’t it be great to read a book and write up a review of its merits to share with the world?
• I would like to completely reorganize my closet, here is how I will do it…
• Let’s write a grant application for funding to develop on-demand training to library staff who can’t afford the cost of professional development.
• I should learn more about Prague, I’m going to check out a book from the library. Or watch a video on Netflix.
• If we drove across the continental United States with the trailer, how long would it take to visit every national park…and Aunt Eleanore?

I like to think of these as To-Do List items that will eventually happen.
Yesterday I was laying on the sofa in fatigue land feeling like Molly Ringwald in that movie (For Keeps) where she becomes a teen mom is all postpartum depression and ends up putting the TV on its side because it’s easier to watch that way than moving one’s head. (I can’t find an image or video of it, but trust me it was a thing that happened in that movie.) I was wondering to myself, would that really be easier? I don’t think so. I think it would be harder on the eyes. The important thing here? I. Had. That. Thought. I thought it, considered it, considered alternatives, and spent time actually wondering if there were easier ways to watch TV. That is how crazy Fatigue Day is. It’d be easier to sleep it off, but it doesn’t work that way – the body likes to make a point that, today, you are not moving.
Fatigue Day/Sloth Day/Call It What You Will Day is something that just happens. It’s truly not the worst thing to happen to a person. That doesn’t mean I don’t usually have a fatigue-influenced moment of pity party; but I do know that it is a short-term situation. There’s actually more than one day, but it peaks for a 24-hour period; after that it’s just a slow, steady climb back into a world where the body responds to demands. I’ve come up with some survival tips for Fatigue Day(s) because apparently I have nothing better to do. These may be helpful for someone who suddenly finds themselves getting chemo and experiencing fatigue days…not all of us do, but just in case:

• Know where the remote is. I know that watching TV isn’t everyone’s favorite way to spend a day, but you want options. The remote being accidentally left in the kitchen could mean an hour or more of watching Kathie Lee & Hoda or caring about the Kardashians.
• Keep things you know you’ll want on mid-range (or within reach). Fatigue, for me, means my arms give up fast. Lifting, reaching, or carrying anything greater than 1 pound has consequences. The consequences show up in the form of lightheadedness and a funky change in light and color schemes that are intended to tell your body to SIT DOWN, RIGHT NOW! You need things like your reading glasses, a sweatshirt, or toast; so make sure you can get to them. The same holds for bending over. Needing to bend over and dig through the bottom drawer in the dresser is equally as bad as reaching on the top shelf.
• Have food options. This might mean saying, “yes” when someone offers to peel the fresh peach for you the night before. The alternative is regretting it. There’s a peach, it must be eaten & I don’t feel like peeling it. It also mean relying on frozen, and prepackaged foods. This isn’t the kind of nutrition one thinks of when they are trying to overcome a serious illness. All good sense says that fresh, whole foods would be the way to go. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of calories for strength…and a lack of energy to chop, slice, clean, etc. Food options are also an issue because you don’t know what will taste good (or taste like anything) from moment to moment. A craving for Pop Tarts (that was last night) could turn out to be a false alarm (we’ll find out tonight after Kathy gets home from work).
• Move slowly and with purpose. It’s hard. You know you can throw together the bed in the morning in less than a minute, but is it worth being out of breath? Is it worth the time you lose resting on now-made bed to recover the energy you spent making it? This is the same for walking from place to place. Slowly and with purpose. Tripping will do no one any good. Tripping will make it worse. You are already light-headed, don’t tempt fate.
• Have every possible drink available at all times. Hydration is important (says the now experienced at dehydration-induced fainting – just once), so you must find things to drink. Water sucks….for another week at least, so you need options: ginger ale, iced tea, lemonade, fruits to slice up and put in the water, apple juice, cranberry juice (the only red drink I’ll allow since the first weekend of chemo when I got nauseous), Gatorade, milk, whatever. If you are not grossed out by drinking things that are thick (milk shakes, protein drinks, meal replacement drinks, smoothies), then keep those on hand, too. I’ve never liked smoothies or protein drinks, but I had a sometimes affair with milkshakes back in the day. Unfortunately, my milkshake romance is on shaky ground these days. I could go for a chocolate Frosty once in a while (let’s be real, it’s just ice cream in a cup), but it’s not often anymore. As it happens, all that dairy could be good for you (protein, easy to add protein), so I support the thick drinks if you can stand it. Me? Not so much.
• Ask for help. This seemed to make Kathy laugh the other night when I suggested I might need help and it would be cool if she were to peel the fresh peach before she left for work so I could have it during the day. She wasn’t laughing at the need for the help or the fact that I asked for it. I think I suggested that maybe sometimes I should ask for help for things like that even though it seems silly, and she might be laughing at the fact that I just caught on to the “ask for help” idea.
• Go outside. The fresh air is nice. It helps to feel like a part of society even if just sitting on the porch/patio. Since I’m lucky enough to live in the most beautiful place in the world, and the weather is completely awesome at the moment; sitting outside is excellent medicine. One day I went out thinking I’d do some crocheting on the patio. My arms were too tired to hold anything, so I just sat and watched the hills. It’s a therapy like no other.
• Be with people. Fatigue keeps me at home. If pulling the oatmeal off the top shelf in the pantry causes arm fatigue, there’s no way I can drive (No. Way.). Being with people helps. What’s funny is that I know I’m an introvert… people can exhaust me. I love them, but I need to recharge alone – this is my introvert nature. I also know that people – being with friends and family – has been the absolute best thing to keep my energy going. Coworkers probably think I’m crazy when I suggest we just have a meeting while I’m at the hospital (it’s 3 blocks away, and we’re not opposed to meeting at a coffee shop, why not the hospital room?), but it does amazing things for me to be able to talk about work-related topics or just real intelligent things. I feel better, I’m more “up,” and it helps to counteract potential depression. Working from home a lot now, I realize sometimes that I go days without leaving the house. Having conversations with real people (that’s not to imply I’m having conversations with fake people, though I’ve been known to air my feelings about decisions made on Say Yes to the Dress to an empty room) keeps the mind engaged and helps with the healing process. It’s too easy to get caught in a cycle of hiding out at home – cabin fever is a danger to all. Remember The Shining, after all.
• Have a goal. I have an ultimate goal of “just get this over with,” but sometimes I need to focus on something a little closer. Something that will drive me to follow my own rules above (particularly the eating and drinking rules, which I have the hardest time with). Sometimes it just might be that I want to be able to walk around the block. I did it a couple days ago, but it’s not happening now. Maybe on the weekend… And there are things that make it easier: eating, drinking, yada yada. Right now, I am awaiting the arrival of my first Great Nephew. He’s my current goal. He could arrive any time and, today, I am not strong enough to hold him unless you were to prop him up like you when introducing a baby to his older (but not old enough) siblings. Tomorrow I might be strong enough. Friday for sure. I need to be hydrated and take in calories to recover so I can begin the ever-important process of spoiling yet another wee one. Auntie-hood is an important part of my life. I grew up mostly with Aunts & Uncles being in that grandparent-like role, so I take the role of Aunt very seriously. Without my own kids, I won’t grandparent (but I would totally win the Grandparent Olympics, I tell you what!) Now, the opportunity for “Great Aunt” is a goal like no other. Plus, I might as well make use of this down time I have to read books and practice my rocking skills – perhaps cancer has given me a gift again.